>>>Welcome to:

We just stood there.... SOH (Shaking Our Heads).

What does SOH mean you ask? 
It for those moments in life when you just can't come to say anything. 
Maybe you are in shock form something you just saw or heard, and all you can do is just stand there and shake your head. 
There are just no words available in the current English language to portray just what you are feeling or thinking in that moment.

Now why would my friend and myself feel that we need a blog for these situations? 
It's simple just like everyone else on the internet who posts anything about anything (I am assuming) you are hoping to find kindred spirits. Someone who agrees with what you are currently trying to explain.
For that one person who is like "Holy Shit! You thought that too, I thought I was  the only one!!??" 

So with out further blah blah blah, lets get this son of a bitch rollin :D!

>>>> Movie Review:

>>>> Ghost Rider 2 : Spirit of Vengence

Now right off the bat, I bet you are wondering 2 things:

• Why the hell did you watch that movie??

and

• Why the hell do I need to read a review for a movie that I already know is Shit on a Shingle???

Simple you are bored, so off we go!!

So for those of you smart enough to stay away from this Nicolas Cage sized turd the second time around, let me give you the rundown, because I know you really want it (uhh Spoilers?? ahead..):

Ghost Rider, he's this dude who was a stunt biker, his Dad got the big C and was gonna go to the that great big rodeo in the sky. Stunt biker doesn't want this (insert sad face Nic Cage)

In comes Captain Satan, who is all like "I can get rid of the cancer if you sign this deal with me, no need to read just sign, you can trust me"
Stunt biker Hurp a Derps and signs in blood sans reading and now he is the Ghost rider. 
(Sidebar, Satan gets rid of the big C, dad dies in Car Crash immediately after..oh noeees!)
Upon signing this devils contract, his head becomes a flaming skull and he goes around eating bad souls and sending dem to Hell via the express lane.
Pretty not bad premise... for a comic book... but lets move on.
So the first ghost rider movie was about him getting the flamy skull powers and all, while trying to impress his ahem first love Eva Mendez, and beat the son of Satan or something. 
This is how much the first movie meant to me, the only reason to see that movie is for the 1 one scene where Nic Cage gives a believable performance. and here it is!!




Woo Hoo for Personal Trainers!!
Needless to say the Ghost Rider prevails, sends the son of Satan or whatever back to hell. Girl climbs on back of bike (I know he has a flaming skull, but I can make it work) style. And the 2 ride off into the sunset or whatever, I think that is how it ends.
In comes Ghost Rider 2, Nic is back, older and with hair plugs so bad I just cant explain...


(Every shot i tried to get of his hair from the movie was inexplicably cut off at the hair line, hmmm imagine that...)
So this time around Nic is all drunk and fat, I am guessing that is why Eva hit the road. Idris Elba comes looking for him with Hazel contacts and a forced french accent, 
 
because apprently Satans Gypsy baby momma wont give up the 12 year old bundle of Joy back to his deadbeat dad. 



 
(I swear this kid looks like a little boy Hilary Swank..)
So Satan does the sensible thing and hires Mercenaries and Assassins to go get his shit.
(Mercenary played by Kurt Russel Jr. down here -->)


Dad of the year for effort.
Ildris explains to cage that Satan wants the kid as a new vessel, to house all his glorious hell powers. Cage is the only one who can stand up to him cause miraculously his powers of the Ghost rider comes from a angel that Satan made go bonkers. Crazy face ensues...

And that is pretty much how the formula goes as such,
Mercenaries chase gypsy and son, in comes ghost rider, CG CG CG
 
Mercenaries capture kid, gypsy and ghost rider come to get him CG CG CG 
 
Satan has kid, gypsy Ildris and Ghost rider come CG CG CG 
 
etc etc etc
There is also some other part of the ghost rider getting rid of his powers with the Highlanger and some more CG,
There can only be one...
>>>>So yea I know what you are thinking by now, is there anything redeemable about this movie?? Is there any reason in Hell that I would even waste any braincells on this. And unbelievably there are some parts, 
Can you say DEATH  TRENCHER!!! watch the scene below!!
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQTW5tpcodQ
But other than that this movie had potential to be not so bad, if they had gave the role of Ghost rider to some one more appealing.
Lets just say old fat Nic Cage, over acting like the Bees are all over his face is just not cool man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1GadTfGFvU

A B movie is better when the people making the movie realize that they are working on a B movie and then strive to make the best piece of shit they possibly can. I don't know who fabricated the action scenes, but erm ghost rider sucks out souls right, how come he no does that in this movie??

Why does he stand there and caress people heads for like 15 mins before killing them?? Why does he mosey around like hes on the stage performing Grease on broadway??

Who told Nic that this part was acted perfectly???

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzHsBT1tVoo

My friend and myself thought that the movie would have been bearable if the main character was replaced with eye candy, like Chris Evans!!

 

Yes Chris Evans that hot piece of man candy!! I'm not going to try and sit here and sugar coat shit, this is a 1 and a smidge star movie, but if Chris was in there I would bump it to 2 and a smidge, because we are honest whores like that.

Im no photoshop expert now, but I took a scene from Ghost Rider 2 and replaced Nic with Chris:

Before

 

After

SEE!! 100 Times better!! 

Don't worry the kid will be fine, if anything now he has new goals to strive for in adulthood. (I mean for himself to look that good and nothing pervy or pedo, i know there are freaks out there... :P)

But I think I am nearing the end of this long and thought out Rant, I now leave the floor open. 

HAVE AT THEE!!